65 Red Roses

I'm not that plugged into the blogosphere (it's hard enough to keep up with my own circle of friends!) but I just saw this article on CNN and found my way to the blog of Vancouver native Eva Markvoort who died last month at 25 after a lifelong battle with cystic fibrosis.  It will totally have you bawling, but she's an amazing writer, and she is full of life and love, even as she looks death in the face.  Here is a tiny taste...

making the effort this evening to sit up in a chair
good to change positions
stretch different muscles
sending air to different pockets
mum asked what i miss?

i miss walking in and out of buildings
the feeling of air pressure change when you enter or exit a building
i miss getting in and out of cars
how your view changes when you sit at a different height
change really
i miss change
now, it is all the same
seven weeks....
there are no transitions
i miss transitions
from one place to another
which is strange really
because now i hate change
i can't stand change and yet i miss the transitions

i hold onto who ever is near
since when am i clingy?
i grasp onto
annie in the morning
jackie and robin in the afternoon
dad in the evening
maman all the time
episodes of projectile vomiting
hours of gasping for breath
waves of nausea lulling out into
hours of sleepiness once the meds have hit
leaving me daydreaming about stepping out of this room
just getting up
free of tubes and plugs
and walking out the door
pushing open doorways
skipping down the street
breathing free
free