Monday, November 28, 2011

The Season of Cinnamon

“We’ll fill our lives with cinnamon now” - The Decemberists

Often it is said that there is a special “something in the air” during the holidays.  Sometimes, if you’re lucky, that something is snow.  Sometimes it’s the scent of peppermint or balsam fir or chestnuts roasting on an open fire.  Occasionally, it’s an unexplained aura of brotherhood and cheer.  More often, it’s haste, stress, curse words, or in the case of a California Walmart this Black Friday, pepper spray.  Sometimes it’s cinnamon.

Today, I had a cup of chai.  There are few pleasures in life greater than a warm mug of chai.  Before I’ve even taken a single frothy sip, its delicate aromas - mixing sweet and spicy, foreign and familiar - have already transported me to a heavenly place...brought me home, so to speak.  The distinct chai spices carry a bite that awakens me to the world and stimulates my senses while at the same time its smooth milk tempers the bite, softens the edges, and envelopes me in a blanket of peace.  No matter how often I take a sip of chai, it never ceases to be special.  I love every piece - the cardamom, cinnamon, ginger, and cloves - but perhaps the most universal and accessible of the many flavors in my cup is cinnamon.  

Harvested from the inner layer of bark of a handful of trees from the genus Cinnamomum, cinnamon is literally a prehistoric spice.  It was imported to Egypt as early as 2000 B.C. but was surely being used in South and East Asia long before then.  In Sri Lanka, which now produces 90% of the world’s supply, cinnamon is known as kurundu, and in nearby Indonesia, it is called kayu manis, meaning “sweet wood”.  I love that name for it because that’s what cinnamon is: it takes what is normal, plain, functional - and makes it something more.  It is unassuming, brown, and whether rightly so or not, fairly ubiquitous.  And ubiquitously loved.

Who doesn’t like cinnamon?  Unlike ginger or cilantro, cinnamon is not a spice with a cult following.  I don’t usually ask around to see if the dinner guests mind my adding it to the butternut squash.  Like anything, it can be overdone, but that would take a pretty heavy-handed chef.  Cinnamon goes well with both sweet foods - apples, yams, chocolate - and savory or tart foods - squash, curries, wine, cranberries.  It evokes a sense of comfort, “making this cold harbor now home,” as The Decemberists sing.  And for many, cinnamon has seasonal associations.  In the TV show Community’s satire of stop-motion Christmas specials, the characters describe their imaginary holiday story land as having an “atmosphere that is seven percent cinnamon.”  At a time when the world is frosting over, hours of light are short, and warm-blooded creatures retreat to the indoors and underground, we turn to cinnamon for heat and a hint of joy and rebirth.

Beyond its comforting properties, however, cinnamon remains a spice.  It both symbolizes and yields a certain power.  In the Hebrew Bible, Moses was instructed by the Lord to add cinnamon to the sacred oil with which he anointed the ark of the covenant, the Tent of Meeting, and all the accessories of the holy altar.  God commanded him: “Do not make any other oil using the same formula. It is sacred, and you are to consider it sacred” (Exodus 30:32).  This sacred spice has been a symbol of wealth and power for much of its history.  Its demand alone was enough to spur the capture and colonization of Sri Lanka by first the Portuguese and then the Dutch in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries.  As with coffee, chocolate, diamonds and mahogany, the cultivation of cinnamon has cost the poor a great deal of blood and sweat and its profits have not always been theirs to share.

The potency of cinnamon has traditionally extended to romance as well.  In the biblical Song of Songs, the lover says of his beloved, “You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain...with choice fruits...calamus and cinnamon...and all the finest spices.”  She responds, “Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad.  Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits” (Song of Songs 4:14-16).  In Proverbs, too, cinnamon is combined with myrrh and aloes to perfume the bed of the temptress.  There is something about this spice that is irresistible - something that awakens what is dormant within us and, to put it bluntly, turns us on.

This magical “sweet wood” can also heal.  Not only is cinnamon oil used as a perfume, an insecticide, and an antibiotic, but a recent study by the Indian Journal of Medical Research found that it was the most effective of 69 plants tested as an antiviral against HIV-1 and HIV-2.  As someone who has spent several years working closely with those affected by HIV, I find this deeply heartening.  As if that weren’t enough, apparently cinnamon also helps combat cancer.  It has led to documented anti-melanoma activity in cell cultures and test mice - progress against the cancer that killed my aunt - and who knew that cinnamon “activates the Nrf2-dependent antioxidant response in human epithelial colon cells,” thereby helping to prevent colon cancer like that which robbed me of my favorite Granny.  The same favorite Granny was starting to go batty and had some memory loss...she was never diagnosed, but if her family members are at risk for Alzheimers, a 2011 study found that CEppt, an extract of cinnamon bark, is a successful inhibitor of that disease in mice.

So why this obsession with the so-called sacred spice? Why “fill our lives with cinnamon now”?  Because there is a draft under the door.  It’s the first Sunday of Advent, and I’ve begun to deck the halls.  All but the most stubborn leaves have fallen, my bike is put away, and I’m about to flip to the calendar’s last page.  In the face of winter’s chill, we seek warmth.  We gather close, rub our hands, bake with abandon, make soup.  An atmosphere of cinnamon is a balm for a broken, frozen, half-dead world.  It is the comfort we need today all tied up with the hope we hold out for tomorrow.  It is both passion and patience.  In almost all of us, it triggers something, no matter what that something is.  So throw a little in your cocoa and meet me by the fireside for a song: ‘tis the season of cinnamon.


Sunday, November 27, 2011

It's Complicated


Devon P likes Dance.

Devon P is in a relationship with Dance.

July 5 at 9:45pm
Devon P added 15 new photos to the album Once Upon a Time...

July 5 at 10:15pm
Devon P was tagged in 13 of her own photos.

September 3 at 10:11pm
Devon P Donned ballet slippers for the first time in far too long and lived to tell the tale.  I'm gonna feel it tomorrow.

September 4 at 11:20am
Devon P Can't walk, sit, bend over, turn my head, or laugh.  Haven't felt this good in ages!

October 18 at 5:32pm
Devon P Off to see Hubbard Street Dance with Katherine and Erik!  So psyched.

December 13 at 9:54pm
Devon P > Cari M Come take class with me!  I swear that at this studio every mirror is a skinny mirror!

January 1 at 11:12pm
Devon P New year, new city, new job.

January 8 at 4:04pm
Devon P Never thought I'd say this, but I think I have a new love: yoga!

January 8 at 4:17pm
Devon P is now friends with Back Bay Yoga Studio.

February 2 at 7:49pm
Devon P > Hartley P My PT is awesome!  She works full time and dances in a company on the side...She also gave me a list of studios to try in Boston and Cambridge.

March 10 at 8:57pm
Devon P First time in a long time anyone has asked me to do 32 fouettes...

April 29 at 10:33pm
Devon P > Hartley P I <3 Cosmin!  He's the Romanian Serg-a-Lerg!

May 17 at 7:40pm
Devon P > Hartley P Haha just chatted with the pianist at ballet about Tatiana Legat!  Apparently they are BFF and she used to be a ballet mistress at Boston Ballet.  Left for Mother Russia though and he's super bummed.

June 1 at 9:02pm
Devon P likes Claudia T's album La Vie, Les Amis, La Danse.

June 13 at 10:05pm
Devon P Seriously??! The sub for dance class just asked if I danced professionally.  I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

August 28 at 9:14pm
Devon P Ugh.  How is it possible that someone who danced professionally for so many years cannot count to 8??!

August 31 at 11:07pm
Devon P added 21 new photos to the album Boston Ballet at the Hatch Shell.

September 12 at 8:25pm
Devon P > Hartley P Cosmin is gone.  New teacher is tall, skinny and gorgeous.  Felt the need to demonstrate her 180+ degree penchee multiple times.  Gag me.

September 12 at 9:22pm
Devon P Still feeling the effects of my three month foray into running a year and a half ago.  So no, I'll take a pass on that 8 mile race with 2000 feet of elevation change in a ridiculously humid tropical climate.

September 15 at 6:27pm
Devon P went from being “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated.”

October 18 at 3:04pm
Devon P Why am I paying $15 an hour to pretend to be a dancer again?  I believe there are other, cheaper forms of self-torture.

October 22 at 12:01am
Devon P likes Hartley P's link Senior Capstone Performance - www.youtube.com.

October 22 at 12:09am
Devon P likes Hartley P's link Hartley P Dance Reel - www.youtube.com.

October 22 at 12:14am
Devon P commented on Hartley P's link Hartley P Dance Reel - www.youtube.com: “Love you sis! Take NYC by storm!”

October 30 12:32pm
Devon P “So to all the secret writers, late-night painters, would-be singers, lapsed and scared artists of every stripe, dig out your paintbrush, or your flute, or your dancing shoes.  Pull out your camera or your computer or your pottery wheel.  Today, tonight, after the kids are in bed or when your homework is done, or instead of one more video game or magazine, create something, anything.  Pick up a needle and thread and stitch together something particular and honest and beautiful, because we need it.  I need it. Thank you, and keep going.” - Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines

November 12 at 2:55pm
Devon P Can't wait to hit up Boston Ballet's Romeo and Juliet with Cara L!

November 12 at 11:11pm
Devon P “We do not judge great art. It judges us.” - Dr. Caroline Gordon

December 8 at 3:56pm
Devon P Modern class in the citay with Hartley P!

December 30 at 12:18pm
Devon P Conspiring with Hartley P to start a world-changing dance company...while stuffing our faces with cheesecake and chocolate!

January 2 at 9:58am
Devon P Packing the pointe shoes.  You never know when you'll need some pink satin-covered pain-induced nostalgia, right?

January 25 at 9:31pm
Devon P Finally found an effective incentive with which to bribe myself to do my PT exercises: withholding other forms of exercise!

February 29 at 12:47am
Devon P Leaping my way into Leap Day barefoot on the beach under Caribbean stars...

March 1 at 3:23pm
Devon P “The only way we can brush against the hem of the Lord, or hope to be part of the creative process, is to have the courage, the faith, to abandon control.” - Madeleine L'Engle

[...]

Devon P went from “it’s complicated” to being “engaged”.

[...]

Devon P is married to Dance.

[...]

It’s still complicated.

Friday, October 21, 2011

The Little Things

Earlier this week, I bought a bag of candy corn at the drug store and put it in a desk drawer at work.

Every morning, I forget that it is there.  Then, at some point a few hours into the day, I open the drawer looking for a highlighter or some white-out or stamps, and voila!  Someone has sent me a secret surprise!  Delighted, I grab a handful and shut the drawer.

A minute later, this time with no pretense of needing the white-out, I open the drawer and grab another handful of artificially colored, sugary goodness (which, by the way, claims to be “made with real honey!”).  Perhaps 45 seconds later, it happens again, this time unconsciously.  Open, shut, chew.  Open, shut, chew.  I am compelled - I can’t stop - MUST HAVE CANDY CORN!

Ten or fifteen minutes into this routine, I choke on a piece of candy corn that, in my manic haste to pump corn syrup and yellow #5 into my blood stream, goes down the wrong way.  I pause, take a few long sips of water, and breathe.  My body has saved itself from near-death by tiny triangular confection bullet.

In that instant, self control is restored.  The mind is back on top; all animal appetites are at least tentatively subdued.  I go on with my day.  The drawer stays closed, and all traces of yellow-orange-and-white striped thought vanish from my brain.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Shedding Light on America's Dark Side

Sundown Towns: A Hidden Dimension of American RacismSundown Towns: A Hidden Dimension of American Racism by James W. Loewen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I have been meaning to read this book since Chris Lahr brought it to my attention four years ago.  I finally managed to get it on inter-library loan, and I was instantly wary because it was about 500 pages long and 10 lbs - not exactly ideal for the crowded subway, where I do most of my reading.  But in a way, the book's physical size is a reflection of the ideas its pages contain: this is a heavy subject.  I don't blame Loewen for refusing to skimp on the details, though - these truths have been suppressed long enough.  So I persevered, and made it to the end, and I entreat everyone in America to do the same.

The premise is this: many of our basic assumptions about race in America are false.  For one, race relations have not followed a linear trajectory of improvement since the end of slavery.  After the Civil War, things got drastically better for blacks in this country: they were given opportunities for good jobs, owning land, playing major league sports, and holding political office.  Then, due to a complex combination of factors, things turned sour, and between 1890 and 1940, most of the ground gained by Lincoln, the 13th-15th amendments, and Reconstruction was lost.  America plunged deeply into racism once again, and this time the tactics were a lot more subtle.

The second major assumption that Loewen cuts down is that racism in this country is rooted in the South.  Almost all of the book's 500 pages are about places north of the Mason-Dixon line - places that, in the collective (white) memory have been friendly to blacks all along.  Though they may not have kept slaves, these cities and towns still viewed African Americans as inferior beings, and they resolved to keep them as far away as possible.  Sundown towns are towns that had policies, written or unwritten, that said blacks could not let the sun go down on them there...or else.  I'll let you read the book to see the many forms that "or else" has taken as well as the varied renderings of the sundown rule, most involving the word "nigger".

And what will blow your mind is the sheer volume of these towns.  Just as racism is not limited to the South, it is not confined to rural "hick" towns, either. Just for starters, Loewen suspects that Illinois, where I grew up, has 472 sundown towns.  And they extend to the suburbs, too.  These are towns that are, or were for a significant part of their history, all white on purpose.  These are towns that all of us have lived in, or visited, or know someone from. People in these towns decided that blacks were "the problem," and they resolved to steer clear of "the problem" at all costs, and this is the reason our country looks the way it does today.  If you have heard of redlining in urban neighborhoods, this is redlining on a macro scale.  African Americans congregated in cities not because they wanted to be around folks with a similar taste in music and cooking, but because there is strength in numbers.  The more of you there are, the harder it is to burn all your homes and drive you out of town.

I cannot begin to touch on the gravity of the truths that Loewen uncovers in his meticulous research.  The statistics were too numerous to highlight, the disturbing anecdotes were crammed two or three to a page.  Yes, in many ways the book was too long - only in the sense that its intimidating size will keep all but the most determined from picking it up.  But I'm so glad I finally did.  I will never look at society the same way again, and I will do everything in my power to reverse the century or more of damage that sundown towns and suburbs have done to American race relations.  Thank you, Mr. Loewen, for lifting yet another veil from my eyes.


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Sunday, December 5, 2010

Waiting Games

Waiting in line.  Waiting for a call from a friend.  Waiting to hear from a job or school prospect.  Waiting for that crush to like you back.  Waiting for a grade or a score or a raise.  Waiting for a plane or in traffic when you want nothing more than to be home.  Waiting for a child to be born.  Waiting to hear from God.

In a nutshell, waiting is not fun.  Then why, if Advent is the season of waiting, do I love it so much?  I decided that it's because waiting is something I can relate to.  Very intimately.

Waiting, like wandering, is the story of my life.  It might as well be my middle name.  Or you could just put an elipses: Devon...Parish.  That's me.  Just one dramatic pause after another.  I've also varyingly phrased it as "eternal hunger" and "holy dissatisfaction".  But if you boil it down, the essence is that I'm searching, hoping, and waiting for something more to bust into my life and into this world, bringing love and joy and peace and meaning.

What's great about Advent is that it models the painful waiting and expectation, but then, magically, it ends.  There is resolution.  Every year, four weeks after Advent begins, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day roll around.  Baby Jesus is born, bringing love and joy and peace and meaning to our world.  And though it is really only a beginning, we are reminded that the waiting is worth it.  Just as daybreak follows the night and spring follows the winter, His kingdom comes.  Hope does not disappoint.

One of the most poignant moments I've ever had was at "Lessons and Carols" my junior year of college.  The service is a holiday tradition in which Bible verses pertaining to Advent are read aloud with Christmas carols sung or performed by a choir between each passage.  That year, I did the first reading from Genesis, and then I sat in the front pew of the chapel as we read and sang the whole Bible story in an hour - from Creation to the trials of Israel to the desperate cries of the prophets to the answer to those cries in the person of Jesus.  Suddenly it became very clear to me that this story was Truth.  I could see that all the pains of my day to day life, all the doubts and anxieties, were wasted investments.  The only bet worth taking was the one that said the promises of scripture would all come true.  After sobbing in the front row for the entire service, I approached the Chaplain, red-faced and weary, hoping for a hug.  "What happened?" she exclaimed, "Are you okay?  You had me worried!"  "I'm okay," I said, "I just had an epiphany, that's all."  I'd been waiting for that for a long time.

This Advent, I'm learning another lesson: that epiphanies are rare.  Even when the answers finally come, they don't usually come all at once.  One period of waiting yields to another as promises are fulfilled in stages.  This week, I finally got a job.  After nine long months of applications and interviews, after trying desperately to listen to where God was calling me, a door has opened!  Now I have a chance to start anew in what looks to be a better scenario for me from every angle.  But there are still a lot of question marks.  Where will I live? and with whom?  How long will I stay?  Will I like this job?  Where will I dance and go to church, and who will my new friends be?  How does this fit into the one true story that Advent tells?

As I dive into another dramatic pause, hoping impatiently as the direction of my life unfurls at the speed of chilled molasses, I will try to remember what those shepherds and wise men and scholars and rabbis must have been thinking when they heard that the Savior was born in Bethlehem: "Hallelujah!  He has come at last!  Our messiah is...a baby?!  If he can't speak or walk or feed himself, how is he going to redeem our people??!  I'm going to be dead by the time he gets around to building a kingdom!" 

I guess it's only human to ask "What now?" the minute something good happens.  I blame our Creator.  In the words of the Psalmist, "I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits..."


Consult God’s instruction and the testimony of warning. If anyone does not speak according to this word, they have no light of dawn. Distressed and hungry, they will roam through the land; when they are famished, they will become enraged and, looking upward, will curse their king and their God. Then they will look toward the earth and see only distress and darkness and fearful gloom, and they will be thrust into utter darkness. Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress. In the past he humbled the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the future he will honor Galilee of the nations, by the Way of the Sea, beyond the Jordan—The people walking in darkness have seen a great light... (Isaiah 8:20-9:2)

Monday, November 1, 2010

What if...

...I never again made a decision governed by fear?


I just returned from a lovely reunion of old college friends in Seattle. Among them was Kitty, my roommate of two years, who has been living with stage four kidney cancer for a year and a half now. Saturday night, as we were all seated around a cozy dining room table drinking tea and eating pie after a feast of grilled chicken and veggies, somebody asked Kitty how cancer had changed her outlook on life. She said this: "Cancer has made me realize how many of my decisions are rooted in fear. I've vowed to try not to let fear hold me back anymore."

Whoa. On the one hand, this is not all that different from what we hear on movies like The Bucket List and Last Holiday: folks with a terminal illness decide to live out their last days fearlessly by going skydiving, taking lavish vacations, and even reconnecting with estranged family members. But somehow it sounded different to me coming from a twenty-six year old and a good friend. I knew she wasn't referring to a reckless "I'm going to die anyway" attitude, but rather she had just begun to perceive with extra clarity how fear can really chip away at your everyday quality of life. Kitty's comment hit me like a brick in the face, because though I don't have cancer, the battle against fear is one I've been fighting for as long as I can remember.

Suddenly I started to imagine what my life would look like if fear had no place in it. What would be different? It wasn't too hard to spit out a relatively long list.

Money would never matter. It has taken getting older to realize that money is a big deal whether you have it or you don't. It preoccupies the minds of the rich and the poor alike, and at certain times and in certain ways I have been both. If fear about money were absent from my life, I would never work a full time job again. I might work full time, but not at the same job. I would dabble in each of the things that I love - dance, writing, the environment, social work - and avoid the things I do solely for my daily bread (and to pay off the college loans). I would live minimally, with others, but I would travel often and eat well. I would live where the land and the culture make me feel at home, and not just where the jobs are. I would still go to the library for my books and movies, but I would own every song I ever listened to and liked. I wouldn't put things off till that mythical moment when, at long last, I reach the edge of the ocean of debt and step out onto the shores of economic freedom - I'd just do them.

Loneliness would never matter. I pride myself on not being one of those girls who thinks of nothing but boys and relationships. But I suffer from my own breed of codependence. I don't feel adequate to pursue ambitious exploits on my own. If the fear of loneliness were not a factor in my life, I would be happy to hike the Pacific Crest Trail by myself. I would not feel the need to pre-cast an entire organization before starting one. I would go to the church I like rather than the one my friends go to, or even the one my friends are starting. I would not wait to be invited to be roommates with people I love; I'd get my own place and invite them to follow me. If I were not afraid of stepping out on my own, my Christian hippie commune idea would have become a reality five years ago. And when I am honest with myself, if loneliness didn't matter, I wouldn't care that most of my friends are married and that I'm a perpetual third wheel. I wouldn't secretly wonder whether every decision was taking me closer to or further from my future mate.

Failure would never matter. Perfectionism runs deep in my veins. I want to be good - I want to be the best. I am obsessed with doing right, making the right choices. The phrase "'A' for effort" basically incites a gag reflex. But as we all know, perfectionism has its drawbacks. If I were not afraid to fail, it would never have taken me a year and a half to return to dance classes after moving to Chicago. I would not be afraid of sports, or video games, or anything competitive, ever. I would write a book. I would start a dance company. I would learn an instrument. Heck, I'd at least lead that current events Bible study I've been thinking about. I'd confront my boss about being given more responsibilities. I'd try negotiating a salary for once. Who knows, maybe if I weren't such a snob, I wouldn't scare the boys away. Nobody likes to be measured against an infinite standard. And one thing is definitely true: if I were not afraid of being less than perfect, I would dance for anyone who asked.

This imaginary person is not me. At least not the earthly me. An annoying little voice in my head insists, however, that it's who I was created to be: my "Garden of Eden" existence, or my heavenly one. And that means it's my responsibility to embody this fearless heroine or at the very least die trying. Otherwise, how much of my life has been wasted on fear? When I think about it, all the people I admire the most are the ones for whom money, loneliness, and failure don't get in the way. I ogle at the uninhibited.

Knowing myself, I'm probably not going to be able to quit fear cold turkey. I have to lower my dosage though. (Do they have a fear patch? Fear gum?) I have to learn to question my motives... to ask "What if?" with Kitty in mind. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to slowly sap fear's power day by day by day.

"God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and a of sound mind." -2 Timothy 1:7

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Thin Places

In her second memoir, Bittersweet, Shauna Niequist describes a phenomenon she calls “thin places.” Thin places are moments or spaces when the membrane that separates the earthly from the divine is especially thin, or transparent, or porous. God breaks through, and you get a pure taste or glimpse of heaven right in the midst of everyday life. It's the “kingdom come,” the “something more” - technically if we are really in tune with the Spirit we are supposed to feel this way all the time, but for most of us, it's not an everyday thing. Of course, thinking in terms of thin places does help you keep an eye out for them, maybe catch a few you might otherwise have missed...

So, thinking back over my last year in Chicago, here are a few of the thin places I remember:

  • In the pool, fully clothed, at Meg and Tyler's wedding. I remember hearing thunder and thinking I couldn't care less if I were struck by lightning and killed at that moment. I was surrounded by my favorite people in the world, singing and dancing and full of joy.

  • The Point, in Hyde Park. Last fall, I met God there while my roommates were at choir practice, and a few weeks ago, I rode my bike down and met Him again. It's beautiful!

  • Some amazing one-on-one conversations with wonderful people...
    • Pillow talk with Nicole in Switzerland.
    • Sushi and grapefruit juice and chocolate with Harts in the park.
    • Catching up with A at our condo.

  • Moments of tragedy and fear that brought people together, forced us to trust...
    • Kitty's diagnosis, sudden surgery, each tiny miracle.
    • Watching the marriage of two beloved friends dissolve.
    • Hearing that an old friend's younger sister took her own life.

  • Looking into the faces of babies and brides.

  • Standing on the “L” platform, feeling the air change from summer to fall. Last year I was standing at Fullerton, this year at Wellington. Closed my eyes, felt the crisp breeze, and smelled the changing of the seasons.